Sleeping with Your Partner: How to Share a Bed and Still Get Great Sleep
It’s probably not shocking to hear that, as a sleep therapist, I spend a lot of time discussing what it’s like to share a bed with a partner. Sleeping next to someone you love can be one of the most comforting parts of a relationship; there’s something deeply reassuring about drifting off next to your favorite person.
But let’s be honest, it’s not always easy. From snoring and blanket wars to clashing sleep schedules, sharing a bed can sometimes create more frustration than connection. The good news? With a few adjustments and a little communication, you can enjoy the emotional benefits of sleeping together and wake up well-rested.
In this blog, we’ll cover:
The real benefits of sharing a bed
The most common challenges couples face
Therapist-approved tips to solve those challenges
When “sleep divorce” might actually be the healthiest option
The Benefits of Sleeping Together
Sharing a bed with your partner isn’t just about proximity—it can actually have meaningful benefits for your relationship and well-being:
Emotional Bonding: Physical closeness releases oxytocin, the “love hormone,” which helps you feel connected and reduces stress.
Stress Relief: Holding hands, cuddling, or even just being near your partner can lower cortisol levels (the stress hormone) and promote relaxation.
Sense of Security: Sleeping next to someone you trust can enhance feelings of safety and improve overall mental health.
Of course, these benefits are easier to enjoy when both partners are sleeping comfortably.
Common Bed-Sharing Challenges
Despite the advantages, sleeping with a partner can come with its fair share of frustrations. Even the happiest couples run into nighttime hurdles. Here are some common issues couples face:
Snoring: Nothing kills romance faster than lying awake while your partner snores like a chainsaw. A partner’s snoring can make restful sleep feel impossible.
Temperature Differences: One of you is bundled in a duvet while the other sticks a leg out, desperate for cool air.
Tossing and Turning: Restless sleepers can unintentionally wake their partners with frequent movements.
Different Sleep Schedules: Mismatched bedtimes or wake-up times can lead to disrupted sleep. Night owls and early birds don’t always mix well.
Blanket Hogging: Fighting over covers might be a running joke, but it can also cause real tension during the night.
Tips for Sharing a Bed Comfortably
If any of these challenges sound familiar, don’t worry—there are plenty of ways to make sleeping together more harmonious:
Address Snoring Head-On
Snoring isn’t just annoying. It can be a symptom of sleep apnea, which has serious health risks. Encourage your partner to get checked if snoring is frequent and loud. But remember: a medical evaluation is essential, not optional. In the meantime, experiment with:
Side-sleeping positions
White noise machines
Earplugs or noise-masking headphones
Separate Blankets
It may not look as romantic as one shared comforter, but having separate blankets can be a game-changer if you have different temperature preferences (or if one of you tends to hog the covers).
Choose the Right Mattress
Look for one with good motion isolation so one partner’s movements don’t jolt the other awake. If a new mattress isn’t in the budget, consider a memory foam topper.
Sync (or Respect) Sleep Schedules
Talk openly about what you each need. If going to bed together is important, align your wind-down routine. If your schedules are different, give your partner time to fully fall asleep before coming to bed. Blackout curtains, sleep masks, and earplugs can help reduce disruptions.
Create a Calming Sleep Environment
Your bedroom should feel like a sanctuary for both of you. Try:
Keeping the room cool, dark, and clutter-free
Using calming scents like lavender
Agreeing to keep phones and TV out of bed
Communicate (Without Blame)
Approach conversations about sleep with kindness. Instead of, “You always wake me up,” try, “I notice I’m waking up a lot, can we problem-solve together?” Solutions come easier when no one feels attacked.
When Sleeping Apart Might Be the Best Option
Sometimes, the best way to preserve both your sleep and your relationship is to sleep apart. This is often referred to as a “sleep divorce,” and while the term may sound extreme, it’s simply a practical solution for couples with different sleep needs. Sleeping in separate beds or rooms doesn’t mean your relationship is struggling—it’s about making sure you’re both getting the rest you need to show up for each other during the day.
The Science of Sharing a Bed
Research shows that while sharing a bed can strengthen emotional intimacy, it may also reduce sleep efficiency due to movement and disruptions. The key is to strike a balance between staying connected and ensuring both partners get quality sleep. By addressing the common challenges above, you can enjoy the benefits of sleeping together without sacrificing rest.
Conclusion + Next Steps
Sleeping with your partner doesn’t have to mean choosing between intimacy and rest. With a little creativity (whether that’s separate blankets, better sleep hygiene, or even separate sleeping spaces) you can have both.
If you’re struggling with sleep as a couple, don’t just tough it out. Sleep problems rarely solve themselves, and the longer they drag on, the more stress they add to your relationship.
This is where I can help. As a sleep psychologist, I work with individuals to untangle sleep challenges using proven strategies—not quick fixes. In just a few weeks, you can learn tools to fall asleep faster, reduce nighttime waking, and stop letting sleep struggles spill over into your relationship.
If you’re ready to take steps toward better sleep for you and your partner, check out our resources and follow us on social media for weekly tips. Click Here if you would like to discuss more personalized options to get you and your partner back into a restful rhythm this Valentine’s Day. Sweet dreams!
